What Dreams Leave Behind

I dreamt again of being left behind.

It breaks my heart, over and over.
Do I not have enough frustration in waking hours
that I must go to sleep and instead of
replenishment or restoration
I find grief and frustration?

There was a time when I woke
to find that I had been left behind.
In a big old house
with an old woman [I was sure]
who was a witch and her old son
[I was sure] who was a creep.
They didn’t want me
and I didn’t want them.
We were stuck with each other
as the result of the immature and
idiotic decisions of others.
That was key.
We three were in it together
bound by the decisions of others.

In my dreams though
it is never the decisions of others.
It is always me.

Last night I was traveling on a boat.
My husband was traveling separately
and we were to meet at the destination.
I befriended some other people
who were all going to a party
and we were to share a cab when
we arrived.

But then, when it came time to pay
the cab, I couldn’t find money.
Or my driver’s license …
or credit cards. Frenzied I
pulled my purse apart searching
all the while feeling
the distrust of my new
friend’s husband as he watched
and the pity of my new friend as
she assured me that they could
pay for the cab and
then we pulled into port.

No suitcase. I had lost my case.
Frantic, I ran to the other end of the
boat looking for it.
My new friends were calling
after me Patti, Patti
which is weird, you know, because
no friends NO FRIENDS call me Patti.

I tried to tell them that I lost my case
and would be back but the crowds were
pushing in between and lost sight of them.
I ran and ran but found no case.
I ran back to where I thought I started
but everything looked so different
and I couldn’t even find
the rooms we had been in.
I asked a worker and he told me that
those rooms were only at the front
of the ship, back to where I had been.

I just stopped and started to cry.

A woman came to me and said, “you’ll be
home soon” which made me cry more
because I didn’t want to go home!

I woke up exhausted and
I’ve been off-kilter all day
as though I really did lose my
very identity
and without money or cards
was judged as a non-person,
an ineffectual human
and leaving my baggage
did not make me feel free
and light but lost.

Even though I left everything behind
in my dream
I live awake today feeling
left behind.
Again.

************************************************************************************
Patt Timlin is a marketing expert set on sharing her expertise with other online marketers to help them achieve the dream of working online. She is secretly pleased with the surge in content marketing as revenge of the English majors! Entrepreneur, blogger, guide, helper – Patt loves the online world and loves to share it!

Patt is the author of:

Spot4publications

Spot4connectionsblog [focus beginners online]

Spot4Connections.com

Work At Home Product Guide 

Patt Timlin Online 

BloggerPatt! [just for the fun of it!]

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